11.09 PM here and i feel like a fat lady in "Harry Potter", came down to the real world for having a good dinner which isn't served in Hogwarts. I'm dying for that DIET. I'm suffering for its level of shit.

How i miss the old-Why it always has to be the old? Because the old is better than the present me.

I miss when i was little and didn't care 'bout my weights, clothes, messy hair, i just did what made me happy and fat.

What's the reason God sent me down to the earth and had to live normally? Why do i'm not live as s monkey? Why do i'm not a Hollywood Superstar? Why do i'm not a daughter of Tom-Katie Holmes? Why do i'm not related to The King of Pop-Jackson? Why do i alive? What is it for?

For such those reasons,"This is the circle, honey. This is the pattern. People lives and dies in every breath that you may take. Just walk with it, just accept it, just try to understand it. Don't ever dare to peel the outer skin. Don't dare to ask." Oh come on, you guys are the smartest. You all can live with a different point of view, so answer my questions with a different type too.

I'm not an atheist neither a girl-who-never-trust-anything. I have my religion. But sometimes this questions always questioning my own self and i probably don't get it and can't find the right answer. Because i'm not that critical pro and i'm not doing this because i've known before that people will call me 'cool' with every critics that came out. Because it just flying from the heart into my brain over and over again, and through this post i supposed to let it out.

I'm a river. A river which the water isn't that white neither black. I don't know where i will go and where this pattern will end. I have a lot rock deep inside. I easily exposed to some pollution-Pollution of human's ideology. Of their idea of being the number one. Their idea for having nothing but that rotten's smells. Of their idea-Rule the world then making much money. Cause they think that they'll live on earth forever, and made the money as The God. How sad they are. How sad they will be.

Well, don't be too serious. Watch this Mario. He always tries to save the princess even he don't has many hearts but he keeps trying. Through the dragon, the deadly-flower, or the king.

He never give up.

I'm trying to accept the fate. It's hard, really hard. But i have my big move.